Miserable yet motivated Monday

I’ll start by saying that I’m trying not to moan too much! If I lead with that I may actually stick to it!

So I had a dreadful night of sleeplessness due to hormones (gotta love that Prostap!), a really sensitively achy back and my partner snoring like a chain saw.  Today I woke up with a sore throat (the reason for the chain saw snoring) and feeling pretty bloated and yucky. It was not the ideal start to a new week and I tried to shake it off.

Deciding that I was not going to lose any weight or feel better by crawling onto the sofa with my knitting I threw a cup of coffee down my throat and put the Wii on and did a 30 minute workout with the EA Sports personal trainer. It’s been a long time since I did this and boy could I tell! I had it set on medium and I may have been a little over enthusiastic with that!

Enjoying my post workout buzz I had a quick shower and got dressed in proper intending-to-leave-the-house clothes as the Doglet needs to go for a run. As I set the blender running with my smoothie I started to feel a bit more odd. Sitting with cup of coffee number two and my smoothie I felt even more odd. Now if you would like to skip the too-much-information part, skip the next paragraph.

Prostap as I have mentioned before is evil incarnate. It is useful diagnostically and has stopped the pain from the ovarian cysts but it does such awful things to your body in the process. I got a touch of cystitis from it last week and did the usual of drinking loads of water and taking a double dose of cranberry extract. Very clever, you are looking after yourself nicely I hear you say! No. I am a stupid stupid idiot because what did I do the next day? Yes, I got horribly drunk and dehydrated. In fact I stayed pretty dehydrated the day after that too…and for those two days I totally forgot to take my cranberry extract or do anything sensible at all. So not surprisingly, today I have RAGING cystitis. I am peeing acid about every ten minutes and in a ridiculous amount of pain. Yes I have drunk loads of water (two litres so far today) and taken cranberry but it’s not getting any better and I have a sneaking feeling that the odd back ache that started last night might be the start of a kidney infection. I am hoping that this is hypochondria and putting it to the back of my mind. The treatment is the same anyway.

So, feeling generally icky and needing my facilities close by, I have spent the day knitting after all…but at least I got a workout in first!

Tonight’s dinner will be Salmon baked with lime and fresh coriander and pilau rice. I swapped out all the rice in the house for brown so am feeling extra virtuous. Last night’s dinner, in case you’re interested, was Roast vegetables with pumpkin seeds and feta. Very tasty it was too. The vegetables were sweet potatoes, celeriac, butternut squash and beetroot.

High point: Enjoying feeling like my muscles have worked and reacquainting myself with the post workout buzz.

Low point: Failing to walk the Doglet and well the whole of the TMI paragraph!

Measurements: Today’s opinion on the measurements that I still haven’t managed to take is – there’s not a lot of point! As soon as I had the Prostap injection I bloated up. The measurements wouldn’t be a true picture of results and progress. So instead I’ll just track how wobbly I’m feeling – for example, today whilst doing the running on the spot part of the workout, there was a disturbing level of movement in the top of bum and tummy flab area. It really shouldn’t hurt on the downward movement should it!!! So we are now aiming for less movement there. A firming of muscle, increase of stamina and reduction of what looks like body fat (as opposed to what looks like bloat!) Oh dear, I hope that makes sense! Roll on the post-op me where I can hopefully see a reduction on the CFS symptoms like never getting to the bloody point!


Hanging on or just hanging?

The planned day off after the injection was (again) not as restful as it should have been due to Doglet needing to be walked. Over all it was probably a good idea as last night dancing excursion was not as calorie burning as it should have been! When a night is promoted as Soul and Funk, I really didn’t expect it to all be from the 1980s! Only managed to find my groove for a few songs but the drinks were flowing so I doubt that I managed to dance off what I drank never mind any extra.

High point: (Naughty) Espresso martini! (Healthy) drinking half Coke and half soda as a spirit mixer – no sugar substitutes just less sugar and no furry teeth after two drinks.

Low point: Hmm was it drunkenly deciding that a good snack would be gluten free cocoa pops with full fat milk and Kaluha…or waking up at 5.30 this morning needing to drink all the water in the world. Oh or right now, my head, right now .

It’s sunny, I may try to walk Doglet later but my expectations for today are very low indeed!

Stretch and splat

Well Day two came and went rather uneventfully. I kept my fluids up, ate healthily and tried out a new recipe from Yotam Ottolenghi’s Plenty. I tried the chickpea and bread stew with fennel. It sounded lovely and I’d hoped that the fennel would add something interesting to the flavour but I was quite underwhelmed. It was yummy but not something I’d strictly follow a recipe for again.

Anyway, it wasn’t until I came home at about 10 pm and started getting ready for bed that I realised that I hadn’t done anything that I could call exercise! So since I was tense and achy I did a 20 minute yoga workout app (the same one I’ve mentioned several times before). It is gently challenging and loosens my joints without straining them so is perfect for bedtime.

The results were a good nights sleep and I woke up feeling that I’d worked my muscles yesterday! My levels of inactivity have been remarkable lately so even small workouts have a large impact on my body.

Today was my ‘rest’ day. So, I was up at 7.30, pouring coffee down my throat and out of the door early to go to hospital for my next Prostap injection.  It should have been a quick visit but they were amazingly disorganised and I was in there for ages (doesn’t bode well for the operation next month does it!). I had planned to come home for a leisurely breakfast but since they took so long I dashed in for a quick cheese sandwich and bottle of water before I had to pick up my son for his hospital appointment. Before I knew it I was ‘popping in to get a few things’ and ended up sat in the car outside the house with a boot full of shopping and no energy. The Prostap had kicked in and I was feeling heavy headed, achy back, crampy stomach and mouth tasting like medical metal. Splat! Excellent!

Thankfully, the cavalry came to the rescue and helped carry the shopping up the stairs and put me in the bath to wash the whinging off.

My son made dinner tonight:  Chicken ceasar salad. He makes his own dressing and croutons from scratch too! Not exactly low calorie but delicious and full of leaves! We’ll just skim over the bowl of bananas and custard that I had afterwards. Let’s talk instead about the film we watched: Conan the Barbarian. Wow, utter rubbish! Unless you like the look of Jason Momoa, in which case it’s quite easy on the eye, lots of boobs and muscles, just don’t expect any acting from any of them.

So, not exactly a rest day today, I’m shattered after all the driving, walking and shopping. Tomorrow I think will be the rest day with a bit of Just Dance in the evening in preparation for Friday night out dancing – proper dancing!

Apologies for the boring post today – full of meds and uninspired.

A shaky and soggy start

After being good and putting myself to bed straight after Downton Abbey, listening to a sleep meditation and doing all the right go-to-sleep-and-stay-asleep things, I was hoping to get a good early start on the day. Unfortunately despite getting to sleep with less than the usual trouble, I spent the night alternating between waking up hotter than the fires of hell due to night sweats and waking up freezing cold after throwing the blankets off and being soaked in sweat. So this morning was a groggy affair. I did manage to make and drink a breakfast smoothie. My favourite so far:

  • Kallo chocolate coconut milk (not the stuff in tins, the litre cartons)
  • a banana
  • dessertspoon of peanut butter
  • two scoops of vanilla protein powder

Actually my favourite is plain Kallo coconut milk and chocolate protein powder but this is close enough. I’d like to try using peanut flour instead of protein powder so that it’s not so full of crap and isn’t milk protein. First I’ve got to find the peanut flour or alternative! Suggestions welcome.

After stumbling around trying to wake up for a while my brain seemed to notice that:

  1.  The coffee wasn’t working
  2. I had been blowing my nose loads
  3. I was freezing
  4. I felt really queasy
  5. I had a dreadful headache
  6. I had spent the day before sneezing constantly as had my son

Oh no! Not a cold!

Deciding that I was going to make a concerted effort not to give up hope and crawl onto the sofa with my knitting, I got dressed and took some colds meds with caffeine in. As I was setting the GPS thingy on my phone it asked for my weight which reminded me that I’d hadn’t done my weights and measurements. One quick weigh later and I was out of the door to stumble through the rain with the doglet. We got caught in a couple of huge downpours put kept on trekking along. In total I walked 3.14 miles, far more than I usually walk by far and I was struggling on the way back up the hill as my hip joint really started twinging. I kept remembering to engage my core so my abs feel like they’ve had a workout too! I’m glad I made myself go and didn’t wait for the car to come back to go to the shops but I hadn’t factored in the rain and carrying the shopping on the way back. I didn’t even buy that much.

So day one went ok over all. I’ve done some exercise, done something I wouldn’t usually, eaten healthily and drunk loads of water. Now it’s time for dinner – red lentil and peppers sauce with spaghetti. No cheese on top for me. I’ll have Engevita instead as it’s full of B vitamins and tastes like cheese without the grease!

I’ll decide what I’m doing exercisewise tomorrow when I know how I feel. I need to do something tomorrow as Wednesday is going to have to be a day off. I start the day with a Prostap injection into my stomach and they always make me feel pretty grotty.

High point: I bought new yarn!

Low point: pain in my right hip joint on the way back up the hill

Starting weight: 67.6 kg/10.6 stone

Measurements: I’ll try and do them later and add them in.


  1. Breakfast smoothie (recipe above)
  2. a roast potato (rubbish I know but I wasn’t hungry, just grazing)
  3. Lentil and peppers sauce with spaghetti

About to begin…

Tomorrow is the first of October and the start of my countdown to my operation. In preparation for getting fitter and toning up I have had a weekend of excess and sloth. Delightful.

Friday I made Chinesey barbecue ribs with my son and we gorged ourselves in front of some films. Dinner without the things we usually eat because we have to…like carbs or vegetables 🙂 Caveman dinner is our favourite. We followed that with a huge chunk of ice cream and lots more generally lolling around.

Saturday I went out to eat for my friends birthday and had a curry for the first time in years. It was delicious and I completely overate, along with drinking full fat Coke and a couple of overpriced cocktails. I had planned to dance this off but we all ate so much so the just sat outside the very noisy bar and talked. My excuse is that there was absolutely nowhere to dance! It was packed to the walls with tiny overdressed young people. If I’d tried to dance I’d probably have sent hoards of them crashing into the walls. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking with it.

Today we are completing our lolling around tryptic by wearing pyjamas all day and cooking a lamb roast dinner with far too much food for just the two of us. We have a loose plan to follow this with something smothered in custard but I have a sneaking feeling that we may have no room.

So I feel like I have fully loaded my body with all the things it absolutely doesn’t need in order to start losing weight. Win!

I am however nicely chilled and have had a lovely weekend of indulgence so am mentally prepared to do what I need to do without feeling like I’m punishing myself.

Tomorrows plan:

  • Weigh myself and do my body measurements so I have a starting point to compare the end result with.
  • Walk the dog to the shop I need to go to. Usually I would drive there. If I get totally knackered, I can always get the bus back.
  • Plan the meals for the next two weeks.

Starting small so I don’t break myself too early 🙂

Banana nut maple grits

Last night the wind howled and the rain lashed the windows and this morning wasn’t much better. I woke up needing something warm and filling like porridge. Every autumn I get this longing for porridge but oats make me ill. This morning I had an inspired moment. I bring you

Banana nut maple grits

1/4 cup of grits (cornmeal)
1 cup coconut milk (or the milk of your choice)
1/2 cup boiling water
1 small banana roughly chopped
1 dessertspoon peanut butter
3 dessertspoons maple syrup

Put the grits, water and milk into a small pan, bring to the boil stirring constantly. As it thickens up add the peanut butter and stir through. Simmer stirring constantly for 1 minute. Stir through the banana and maple syrup and allow to cool for about a minute.

The banana just starts to cook and lends a delicious sweetness to it. So nice to have a warm gluten free breakfast that kept me feeling full for hours.

Move-ember #MoveEmber

Ok, so since I’m doing this and I’m a sucker for peer pressure I’m trying to rope in as many other folk as possible so:

I had a fabulous time last year doing Juneathon and found it very inspiring. I think I was one of the least able being doing it and my totals stats were hilarious in comparison to those folk who can actually do running 🙂 Don’t get me wrong though, it was immense for me and I am still proud of my achievement a year later. The more I talk to people about it, the more intimidated I see people are. Maybe I just know a large number of unfit, unwell, unwilling or disabled folk! So drawing heavily on the fabulousness of Juneathon and setting the bar at an all time new low I am introducing Move-Ember.

Move-Ember is:

  • For people who need some personal space in their close personal relationship with the Duvet and the Sofa.
  • For people who think that setting exercise goals would be exhausting enough, never mind actually doing them.
  • For people who can do lots of tiny things and avoid the bigger picture (the bigger picture is the end result, not yo ass!)
  • For people who feel that reading about fitness really should burn more calories than it does

So during the month of November all you have to do is MOVE. Not tricky really. Just commit to doing one thing per day that you normally would avoid doing. It can be as small as you like:

  • take the stairs instead of the lift
  • walk an extra lap around the park while walking the dog
  • vacuum the house properly!
  • Challenge the cat to a dance off

or the beginning steps to change you want to make:

  • go swimming
  • try yoga or pilates
  • walk to the shop rather than drive
  • walk/jog/run/stretch

Then tweet it (using #MoveEmber), blog it or comment here so we can spur each other on. No judgement will be made on the amount of movement you do whether you just about managed to change the TV channels manually or you ran 5 miles. The only person you are competing with is yourself.

Who’s in?


Having just had a couple of hours to think about this…it has just occured to me that I will be doing this in October 😀 Doh! Well, it’s good practice eh and I can keep it up in November  Move-ember too!

Back to square 0.5

Well goodness me I had a shock coming back here and reading my last post. I can assure you that I have posted far more often in my mind! Clearly my mind to internet uplink is faulty!

I have news (I should have, it’s been over a year since my last post!), some answers and of course, some lingering questions. This post could end up being mammoth so I try to be brief!

So, Juneathon 2011 was amazing, I was exhausted the month afterwards and threw myself into celebrating the weddings (yes I looked fabulous and yes the dress fit beautifully!). Oddly though, I didn’t seem to get any less exhausted. In fact even small tasks left me feeling over the top tired. In the spirit of “I’m not ill I’m broken” I ignored it and trundled on with my life. It wasn’t until I got a festival flu and ANOTHER bout of tonsillitis in August that I completely fell apart, admitted defeat and went to the doctors. On the basis of: previous high stress job, major operation with post op complications, multiple bouts of tonsillitis, recurrent dysphasia and crippling exhaustion, the doctor finally diagnosed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (via Post Viral Fatigue etc etc). It was a revelation. I wasn’t a lazy whinger after all. There was a real reason that I felt like utter shit for a large part of my time.

At first I rejected the diagnosis. I couldn’t have done Juneathon if I had this condition surely? Masses of research showed me that Chronic Fatigue works in an interesting way for some people. In some instances, you can push yourself to do far more than you normally can and for a while you can sustain this. Eventually though your body rebels and you are consigned to bed or the sofa for a stupidly long time to recover. To give you an example, during this year, going to the supermarket for an hour and a half results in me having  to go and sleep for at least an hour and then have the next day doing noting to recover. Stupid levels of payback eh! I’ve tested the boundaries a lot over the last 12 or so months and doing small amounts when I can seems to work best but I have had times when I’ve needed to overdo it to get shit done and then take to my sofa for a week or two! Not clever but life must go on.

Also this year we finally discovered why I was in so much abdominal pain. To cut a long and miserable story short, when they did my hysterectomy, they stitched my ovaries to the wrong bit of me (top job!) and then one of my ovaries misbehaved a lot. So I have had many months having Prostap injections (to turn all my hormones off) and HRT (to put the hormones back!) This has been a slightly less than delightful rollercoaster ride of hormonal swings (Roll up roll up, see the psychotically angry woman turn into weepy mess in .5 of a second). Deep deep joy. The upshot of this is that I am now booked in for operation number two to remove both my ovaries and hopefully stop all this nonsense.

Having the operation in a good thing because of course it’s all going to be fine this time and nothing will go wrong and I’ll recover and no-one will make stupid mistakes this time. However, due to HRT, Prostap, chocolate cravings like you wouldn’t believe and a generally sedentary lifestyle, I have put on loads of weight. I am now heavier than I was before I started all of this. In fact, the last time I was this large I was pregnant! Hey, looking on the bright side, at least it’s not that!

So, here we go again! I have until November 6th 2012 to lose a bit of weight and tone my abs. If I can do this, I know that I will recover from the operation better. Over the next few days I’ll be making plans and breaking myself in gently. I plan to start fully on the 1st October and go full tilt until November and see how much of a dent I can put into the weight loss. I figure that when I get the payback from the overdoing it, I’ll be in hospital or at home recovering from the op anyway.

The last few months haven’t been all doom and gloom though. I’ve rediscovered dancing as a way to get cardio, fun and endorphins. I was given Just Dance 2 for my Wii recently so that might feature highly in my fitness plan for the month! I’m a long way from being able to run again and the weather is appalling but dancing, diet modification, Wii personal trainer and yoga on my iPhone will probably lead the way. Generally just moving more!

So Move-ember is nearly upon us. Time to make plans, do the weigh in and measurements and get moving!

P.S Please be sure to read my comment below that may explain a little bit!

Dazed and confused

Well given the nature of the name of this blog, you may well be thinking that since I haven’t checked in and written anything for a while, that my thighs have in fact gone. Well, you’d be wrong. My thighs are still there, still wobblier than they should be but considerably less wobbly than at the beginning of June!

Juneathon was fantastic. I enjoyed it an amazing amount and thrashed my body on the last day…which then laid me up for several days afterwards! My deep tissue massage on the 30th was fantastic but was remedial not relaxing…I got the stress, knots and lactic acid bashed out of my legs and back and it hurt like hell and took a couple of days to recover from. I deserved everything I got and have certainly learned my lesson about feeling like a rock star and doing 500 rep arm workouts and not stretching out enough! My massage therapist showed me exactly the muscle in my back I’d pissed off…and yes, it’s one of those really hard to get to, really painful to treat ones! Stretching, you are my new god!

Two days later, I was the “client” for a student exam at a massage school. It’s a hard life! As I was letting my back recover from it’s last abuse  karma, I asked the student therapist to work on my calves and rest of legs as they were feeling very congested and achy from my increased activity in June. I wasn’t expecting much and thought that even a bit of ‘rubbing’ would get the fluid moving. Boy was I wrong. She was excellent! Strong gentle hands managed to smooth out my poor muscles and gently but thoroughly juice my lower legs! My calves were actually thinner afterwards (yes really!) and I spent the day weeing out the results! Now I can actually see the results of my work in June. My legs really are much more toned and less flabby. I had thought I was putting on far too much bulk around my calf muscles and didn’t like it…turns out it’s just fluid build up! Whoohoo! Tried on my (low and sensible, won’t kill my back) heels that I’m wearing for the weddings and my legs look fab! First pair is a round toed black wedge to go with my 1940’s style navy tea dress, second are burgundy satin slingback kitten heels to go with my bridesmaid dress. Having not worn heels for over two years (since I prolapsed a disk) I was a bit scared but they are both really comfortable! Phew!

So, after fixing my body and removing the Juneathon obsession, I started to get on with the things I actually needed to do – like sort out all my junk  belongings and sell/dump/pack it. Looking at the weather forecast I planned out my week to do indoor sorting but with it being the last dependable dry day, I employed the teenager to come and do the heavy lifting to empty to the downstairs hall into the garden and sort it all out. Now the downstairs hall is quite large and since it is cut off from the rest of the flat by the flat door has become the dumping ground for all things shed like (because we don’t have a a shed or a garage). There are tools, garden implement, pots, bikes, camper van equipment, mountains of wood and insulation for the camper-van-renovation-that-never-ends, car maintenance stuff, bike maintenance stuff, stuff that was intended for the charity shop or dump but never quite got that far…you get the idea. It was one of my major demons and it had to be sorted! Mainly because I know that under all that junk were some things that needed selling while it’s still summer and things I should actually be using, like my bike. We’ll just skim over the fact that I was also hideously ashamed of it when anyone came over – “Hi, welcome to my home, just ignore the entrance that looks like the set from Steptoe and Son, the rest is much better”.

Things were going well. The teenager was being wonderfully helpful and using the lifting to do his physio for his healing broken arm. We had just got to the point of having got most of it all out into organised piles in the garden and I was fiddling with tiny things considering how to fit it all back in. There was an old broken metal baby stair gate balanced on the windowsill. Many moons ago it was on it’s way to the tip, rested briefly on the windowsill and looked enough like secure bars to earn a place there for a while. Under the baby gate was a pile a small bits of wood from the campervan project. I was just squatting down stacking the wood on the floor, when the baby gate decided that it missed the wood and toppled top down off the windowsill onto my head.

Now you know that point, when something stupid happens and you fill with adrenaline and ohforgodsakeness and clutch your sore bit and try to carry on…there I was hands clamped to my head, hoping that it wasn’t bleeding and trying to work out how to pick up the now open-on-it’s-side can of anti-climb-you’ll-never-get-this-shit-off-paint before it leaked all over the floor…but couldn’t let go of my head. By this point the teenager had stopped laughing, removed the stairgate from my head, picked up and sealed the paint and was sounding quite concerned. I tried to let go of my head and get up but saw lots of pretty stars and felt quite peculiar.

To cut a long story (hey that was seriously cut down!) short, I ended up with dreadful concussion that laid me out for several more days. I’m a clumsy sort of person and am always banging my head on things but it occurred to me that I don’t think that I’ve ever had such a bad concussion before that wasn’t also accompanied my a hangover. It was retrospectively very scary as the symptoms are very much like a dreadful hangover. All except for the dyphasia and aphasia: I either couldn’t remember words or my mind replaced them with something totally wrong. Now to those dear readers that know me in real life know that this isn’t an unusual thing to happen to me…but it was MUCH worse than normal! Even the teenager couldn’t translate for me! Bizarrely I also got a touch of synesthesia. I couldn’t remember the word for something but my mind attributed a shape to it – nothing useful like the actual shape of the thing though! For example when my OH was trying to find something in the freezer and asked where it was I replied “It’s in the big round thing” what I mean was “It’s in the biggest drawer”. Amusing while it lasted but thankfully it’s gone now!

So despite wanting to go for a run…or indeed anything on my own without the OH or teenager watching me worriedly…I behaved and stayed put on the sofa until the splitting headache went away and the confusion returned to a normal level. So I achieved the sum total of no exercise whatsoever last week except my fingers and wrists. All that sofa sitting has resulted in me being about a third of the way though knitting a lovely 1950s inspired jumper!

This week I’m slowly getting my exercise mojo back and spent a long day moving boxes and sorting through them and re-stacking them in anticipation of moving. Was good to get rid of a load of stuff I didn’t need and find lots of things to sell!

Yesterday I battled my insomnia and managed to get up in time for my orthotics appointment. Now have shiny new inserts with a much lower rise in them so it shouldn’t be too much for my back this time. To test them out I got out of the house and had a lovely stomp with the doglet. In between downpours we romped around the park, played many games of ball and met many other people doing exactly the same thing. Was lovely. I love it when the park smells of blossom and rain and is only full of other nice people and dogs thinking the same thing.

So I’ve been scuppered again by my faulty body (and stupidity!). Busy weekend ahead and then I think I’m considering doing a mini 2 week Julyathon so I can fit into my bridesmaids dress and still be able to breathe.

See you on Monday with either an exercise update or a really good excuse 🙂

Juneathon stats from Running Free



Hours invested pie chart

distance covered

My Last 30 days

34 activities | 29.6 hrs20.3 hrs < 
6.4 hrs < 
3.0 hrs < 
34 activities | 30.7 miles > 15.32 mi 
 > 11.86 mi 
 > 3.50 mi

It’s funny it felt like I’d done a lot more! Well the effort was there! Janathon will see an increase in these numbers! The only way is up!